我家是用COLGATE刷牙的，而在我家有ONE TUBE OF COLGATE 很神奇。它不管怎么用都是用不完的。。。
当我发现这个秘密时，我是有如被雷辟了，辟醒了沉睡中的我。再仔细想想，这一切的一切都非常符合逻辑。。。也承认了我的不切实，习惯性的依赖眼前的假象。。。猪是不会拿牙刷刷牙的。。。我真笨。。。
在半梦半醒的装下，我发现了那导火线的COLGATE。一条似乎快被挤干的COLGATE，冷清清的被遗忘在一角落。我拿起了它，尝试着把牙膏挤出来。然而我还是费了一班力气把牙膏挤出。刷着牙时，我脑子里想着那两只猪真是CCB，牙膏剩这么少了还不拿新的出来。(因为这间茅厕的牙膏只有它们和我用吧了)
隔天，当我再一次踏进那冲凉房时，我吓瞎了眼，那一条似乎快被挤干的COLGATE，还是冷清清的被遗忘在一角落。我又拿起了它，尝试着把牙膏挤出来。然而我又是费了一班力气把牙膏挤出。刷着牙时，我脑子里又想着那两只猪真是CCB，牙膏剩这么少了还不拿新的出来。
这样的情况维持了一星期，而这也开始让我起了疑心--->难道它们都不刷牙的吗？
我渐渐地的发现，它们一起身不是看电视就是拿面包来吃。进冲凉房也只是小便，根本没碰过那牙膏。。。就算是被叫骂时，还假装到里面洗洗脸就算了，以为可以瞒天过海。。。
怪不得那支牙膏总是用不完，总是没换新的
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Stunt 19: The Father, the pigs & the !@#$%Laundry
And it really makes me wonder.....yeahhhh....whohoooo....on how much laundry can be generated by 4 people in a day...whoooo....
The truth is, the entire washing machine can be filled with laundry in just one day. Whenever i hang the laundry, there be at least 3 bamboo poles for the swine and 2 poles for the Beer Pig, thats like 2 sets each plus the uniforms. [Well, cant balme them u noe cause larger size take up more space. So more bamboo poles...but then again, thay like bath 3 times a day..so...&^%#$]
Having generated so much laundry is sickening enough already and they will still have issues with the hanging of the laundry.....
Issue 1: The Laundry stays within the house the whole day...
The mother hangs the laundry inside the house, afraid that if she leaves it outside, it might rain and nobody collects it..... The truth is, beer pig is at home and he is zzzzing like as what he should be---> a dead pig. So if the mother hangs the laundry outside, nobody will be bothered abt it, even if it rains...
Issue 2: 让它吹吹风
The mother will KPKB everyone if she comes back and finds the laundry still wet (even if it was raining the whole day) thus the father in order to avoid hearing the high pitched KPKB insists that the laundry goes outside. The LP Beer Pig is at home the whole day and he neva brings the laundry out, when i come back then the father will kpkb me to bring it out..Really is TMD 死Beer Pig. On a few occasions, even when it is abt to rain he asked me to bring it out when i juz brought everything in... I told him 要下雨了leh... He said 让它吹吹风... 8pm in the evening... I told him no sun liao... He said 让它吹吹风....
WAH KAO, you think the laundry is 张学友 is it?...想和你再去吹吹风,去吹吹风....
Issue 3: Where on earth is the Laundry?...Hmmm
The Laundry is not inside, its not outside, so where is it...???
Its DownStairs!!!....
Was driving home one day when i noticed a bamboo pole near the playground at my void deck. Then i was thinking to meself who so Xia Suay drop the bamboo pole till ground floor... Then i see closely again... The bamboo pole kana 'sek sek', like where see b4 de... den i see the clothes also 'sek sek' so i decided to stop the car and check it out... TMD is really my shirt and the mother's clothes... I sibei 'Huay Dua' lor... I bo bian but bring the bamboo pole up.. Somemore got people take same lift as me lor... Give me weird look... I lua xia suay lor...!@#$%^&
When i got home, i saw beer pig at home, but before i jump to any conclusions, i called the father... Apparently the story was the father got home, hung out the laundry and left the house again. It started to shower and the father called the 死Beer Pig to bring in the laundry..... So it is apparently that the 死Beer Pig dropped the bamboo pole until the ground floor even without realizing it.... When the father asked him, he only replied 'erm ya'... Really is TMD 死Beer Pig
Issue 4: Dry liao also got problem
Wet got problem, dry liao also ma fan... When Laundry dry le, no body keep in the mother also KPKB... When keep in le no body fold she also KPKB... Then she will ask Couch Swine to fold the clothes...Why Couch Swine?... Because he is there lying on the couch ma...
Sometimes the Swine silently obeys sometimes he attempts to retaliate...And when he does, thay will KPKB each other...very nosiy de... When he dosen't, he anyhow folds the clothes and chucks all of the clothes into his own cupboard...including mine... Thus this explains why my clothes end up on his oily body....
SUX House....(*&^%$
The truth is, the entire washing machine can be filled with laundry in just one day. Whenever i hang the laundry, there be at least 3 bamboo poles for the swine and 2 poles for the Beer Pig, thats like 2 sets each plus the uniforms. [Well, cant balme them u noe cause larger size take up more space. So more bamboo poles...but then again, thay like bath 3 times a day..so...&^%#$]
Having generated so much laundry is sickening enough already and they will still have issues with the hanging of the laundry.....
Issue 1: The Laundry stays within the house the whole day...
The mother hangs the laundry inside the house, afraid that if she leaves it outside, it might rain and nobody collects it..... The truth is, beer pig is at home and he is zzzzing like as what he should be---> a dead pig. So if the mother hangs the laundry outside, nobody will be bothered abt it, even if it rains...
Issue 2: 让它吹吹风
The mother will KPKB everyone if she comes back and finds the laundry still wet (even if it was raining the whole day) thus the father in order to avoid hearing the high pitched KPKB insists that the laundry goes outside. The LP Beer Pig is at home the whole day and he neva brings the laundry out, when i come back then the father will kpkb me to bring it out..Really is TMD 死Beer Pig. On a few occasions, even when it is abt to rain he asked me to bring it out when i juz brought everything in... I told him 要下雨了leh... He said 让它吹吹风... 8pm in the evening... I told him no sun liao... He said 让它吹吹风....
WAH KAO, you think the laundry is 张学友 is it?...想和你再去吹吹风,去吹吹风....
Issue 3: Where on earth is the Laundry?...Hmmm
The Laundry is not inside, its not outside, so where is it...???
Its DownStairs!!!....
Was driving home one day when i noticed a bamboo pole near the playground at my void deck. Then i was thinking to meself who so Xia Suay drop the bamboo pole till ground floor... Then i see closely again... The bamboo pole kana 'sek sek', like where see b4 de... den i see the clothes also 'sek sek' so i decided to stop the car and check it out... TMD is really my shirt and the mother's clothes... I sibei 'Huay Dua' lor... I bo bian but bring the bamboo pole up.. Somemore got people take same lift as me lor... Give me weird look... I lua xia suay lor...!@#$%^&
When i got home, i saw beer pig at home, but before i jump to any conclusions, i called the father... Apparently the story was the father got home, hung out the laundry and left the house again. It started to shower and the father called the 死Beer Pig to bring in the laundry..... So it is apparently that the 死Beer Pig dropped the bamboo pole until the ground floor even without realizing it.... When the father asked him, he only replied 'erm ya'... Really is TMD 死Beer Pig
Issue 4: Dry liao also got problem
Wet got problem, dry liao also ma fan... When Laundry dry le, no body keep in the mother also KPKB... When keep in le no body fold she also KPKB... Then she will ask Couch Swine to fold the clothes...Why Couch Swine?... Because he is there lying on the couch ma...
Sometimes the Swine silently obeys sometimes he attempts to retaliate...And when he does, thay will KPKB each other...very nosiy de... When he dosen't, he anyhow folds the clothes and chucks all of the clothes into his own cupboard...including mine... Thus this explains why my clothes end up on his oily body....
SUX House....(*&^%$
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Stunt 18: Somebody Save me Please....
Woke up from a nice evening nap and saw dinner at the dinner table....only packet left on the table...
And guess whats for dinner again......CCP....
And guess whats for dinner again......CCP....
(Proof that i am not lying)
And things only get from bad to worst.... Last time it was 3 Veg CCP, now its 1 veg + 1 egg + curry gravy.... [Guess who bought dinner peeps?]...I am begining to wonder, Beer Pig got sign contract wif SFI de is it? No, i think the food is worst den SFI...
Heres another point to proof: Pig trotters cannot be used to function as hands..They are only meant to be consumed... BTW, the laundry basket is empty and the washine machine behinde it is also empty... And our dear pet left all his F*** clothes all over it once again...
Hoping for 人间地狱 to end soon......
Monday, May 12, 2008
Stunt 17: 当Couch Swine冲凉时。。。
当Couch Swine冲凉时, the toilet seems as if it had juz been through a world war. Nothing withstands the mayhem of the CouchSwine....
( Evidence that trotters can't work or the swine's pants are too large for the basket)
As we all noe, pigs hav trotters and thay may not be ..erm....er...tat 'effective'. Even when there is a basket for dirty laundry infront of the toilet, the swine decides to leave his extremely large pants beside the laundry basket... [my question is why can't he place it inside the basket? so difficult meh?There is a bloody big basket for u to put the laundry in & u choose to leave it beside the basket...wtf]
( Evidence that trotters can't work or the swine's pants are too large for the basket) The situation inside the toilet is'nt any better... The ceiling gets wet, all the walls are wet, the toilet seat is wet, the toilet paper is wet, the entire basin is wet.... And if yr lucky... you may even find the swine's underwear in the basin...juz like below.. 爽
(恶心底裤一条。。免费赠送)
After enjoying his shower, the swine wraps himself in a towel and juz trots across the house; exposing the world's most disgusting sight to all in the neighborhood. BTW, to recall, the swine is 17 already. [ A 17-year-old still walks out of the toilet naked and goes into the room to change, his windows are open and he flashes for all to see.. Same goes for the Beer Pig...] Notice his left arm clinging onto the towel? Thats because the towel is'nt long enough to wrap around the gigantic waistline of the swine....
Conclusion: Just pity the next user.....
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Stunt 16: " Gooooood Mooooorning Mr. Beeeeer Piiiiig"
The rays of morning sun seeped through the windows and casted itself upon a lying figure. Upon closer look.....its the BEER PIG, lazying ard in bed, refusing to acknowledge the morning heat on his butt.
Rise and Shine Beer Pig.... Its a new day...a new begining..... Its the day when Beer Pig becomes a RELIEF TEACHER....
Beer Pig finally agrees to start as a relief teacher at JPS after multiple attemts to get him there by the mother. Previous attempts were met wif reasons such as too last minute or no transport there. The reason for accepting the job this time -->to get away from the other task of having to help his father sell ccp as comparatively, relief teaching is much easier.
So off the Beer Pig goes to start his new adventures in JPS........
Somewhat during 8am
Beer Pig eagerly gets his class that he is suppose to supervise and walks through the welcoming doors of the classroom...only to be met with a loud exclamation of "WOW"...
Beer Pig: Who WOW?
Class: Boy xxx (all points finger at boy xxx)
Beer Pig to boy xxx: why u wow?
boy xxx: cause u very....erm.... large
Beer Pig:u think its very funny is it?
boy xxx:no teacher....(shakes head in plea + scared/ham)
Beer Pig: U go outside and stand....
And so poor boy xxx gets punished for exclaiming at beer pig's figure.... Haiz...poor thing....
Close to recess at 10am
The class was in complete silence due to the domineering presence of teacher Beer Pig. Suddenly, a brave soul broke the long awkward silence in class..... a male warrior raised his arm to lead the revolution against the evil teacher beer pig....
Boy zzz: Teacher can i go toilet?
beer pig: very urgent is it?
Boy zzz: ya...yes...
beer pig: wait awhile...going to recess soon...
boy zzz: teacheeeer, very urgent
beer pig: ok go go go
Boy zzz opened the floodgates, his perseverance against the dark force touched the souls and kidney bladders of his classmates.... as soon as he left, many other hands raised... all requesting to go toilet...
Beer Pig: All cannot go... going to recess already... all wait.....
Beer Pig: All want to go toilet together?....
Beer Pig: U all think i dono... U all wan to escape like Mas Selamatt right?
Beer Pig: [Toilet Break] right?
WOW... what a start to a promising career...(oops, i said WOW,please dun punish me teacher beer pig)... As the saying goes: [Come no shadow, go no trace], beer pigs career curtain called on the very same day it started. Beer Pig informed the school of his unwillingness to return to relief teach and left the joyous place. When questioned by the mother that night, beer pig claimed that it was very tough to relief-teach and does not wan to go back anymore.....
Oh well, it was still an unforgettable journey for Teacher Beer Pig...
Rise and Shine Beer Pig.... Its a new day...a new begining..... Its the day when Beer Pig becomes a RELIEF TEACHER....
Beer Pig finally agrees to start as a relief teacher at JPS after multiple attemts to get him there by the mother. Previous attempts were met wif reasons such as too last minute or no transport there. The reason for accepting the job this time -->to get away from the other task of having to help his father sell ccp as comparatively, relief teaching is much easier.
So off the Beer Pig goes to start his new adventures in JPS........
Somewhat during 8am
Beer Pig eagerly gets his class that he is suppose to supervise and walks through the welcoming doors of the classroom...only to be met with a loud exclamation of "WOW"...
Beer Pig: Who WOW
Class: Boy xxx (all points finger at boy xxx)
Beer Pig to boy xxx: why u wow?
boy xxx: cause u very....erm.... large
Beer Pig:u think its very funny is it?
boy xxx:no teacher....(shakes head in plea + scared/ham)
Beer Pig: U go outside and stand....
And so poor boy xxx gets punished for exclaiming at beer pig's figure.... Haiz...poor thing....
Close to recess at 10am
The class was in complete silence due to the domineering presence of teacher Beer Pig. Suddenly, a brave soul broke the long awkward silence in class..... a male warrior raised his arm to lead the revolution against the evil teacher beer pig....
Boy zzz: Teacher can i go toilet?
beer pig: very urgent is it?
Boy zzz: ya...yes...
beer pig: wait awhile...going to recess soon...
boy zzz: teacheeeer, very urgent
beer pig: ok go go go
Boy zzz opened the floodgates, his perseverance against the dark force touched the souls and kidney bladders of his classmates.... as soon as he left, many other hands raised... all requesting to go toilet...
Beer Pig: All cannot go... going to recess already... all wait.....
Beer Pig: All want to go toilet together?....
Beer Pig: U all think i dono... U all wan to escape like Mas Selamatt right?
Beer Pig: [Toilet Break]
WOW... what a start to a promising career...(oops, i said WOW,
Oh well, it was still an unforgettable journey for Teacher Beer Pig...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)