两只猪的世界

Stunt 47: Spot the difference

2009-09-16T07:18:00.001-07:00

NONE......

Stunt 46: 壁虎。冰冻

2009-09-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

saw a big mac lying on the dining table on evening and decided i shall consume it later. And when i got back, the big mac was nowhere to be seen....

depressed as i tot the usual happened and the big mac was being gobbled down fatty asshead's disgusting tummy, i prayed for a drink in the fridge. To my surprise, i saw the big mac in the fridge. then, the real surprise came. as the big mac was in its plastic carrier and tied, i took it out from the fridge and threw it on the table.

and as i unknoted the bag halfway, there was movement and fidgitting inside. I was stunnted and guessed more or so. the knn mother must have tied a lizard inside the bag. F stupid but rather lihai i must say. I overturned and true enough, a lizard came scrambling out, running for its life. TMD.

The mother is really always 扯my后腿de. sutc. GG lor, heng i saved the lizards life if not i will have new delicacy 冰冻壁虎lor.

Really makes me wonder, how come the mother dun accidentally tie the pigs in a plastic bag and keep in the fridge huh?

CCB

Stunt 45: 一失造成千古恨

2009-09-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

某年某月的某一天，一个男人进了邮局。从此，这男人的眼睛就贴着邮票了。眼睛贴着邮票的男人这时便遇见了一个女人。由于眼睛贴着邮票，这男生爱上了这女人。之后，这个男的也和这女的结婚。婚姻的理由有可能如以列：

1。我
2。一哭二闹三上吊
3。婚前婚后两个人

然而，这男人正为他一次错误的决定而付出代价。

1。这女人带着两位姐妹，而这三人把他当男佣使唤
2。不见棺材不流泪的男人还跟这女人生了多两个危害人类的异型
3。为了避开她们和异性的轰唤，他跑去当德士司机

可悲啊，可悲

Stunt 44: I believe I can fly....

2009-09-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

Waking up in the fine cool rainy weather has neva been easy, but with some help from the mother, you be totally awake in no time.

As usual, i rose from the morning daze and made my way to the washroom;which meant i had to get by the kitchen. To my surprise(&Dismay), the mother was alrd awake and making a jingle in the kitchen. With heavy footsteps i walked towards the kitchen door and WHAM, I was slapped with the best wakeup call:

Mother:不要走过地上。。。
xm: den我要怎样？飘啊？飞啊？
Mother: erm,你大步一点走过去loh!!!

LPPL, TCSS

GG

Stunt 42: This blog is not dead, the pigs are still v much alive

2009-08-25T23:16:00.000-07:00

Blame is the only way out for the long period of absence for this blog....

Blame it on the following:

1. The job that requires me to go with a cameraless phone ---> which leads to me being unable to capture the pigs in action

2. The pigs have not much really stuting stunts recently

3. all the other things that dun make me liable

and for updates.... the pigs have evolutionised.... they upgraded their boxers like how u would upgrade ya macdodo meals....

WOW Whee, its new boxers in army pattern..... as usual, the fark couch swine in his throne. Playing his laptop, watching tv, farting, couching and looking like a long piece of shit all at the same time.

" Dad, would u give me 50cents, so i can upgrade my boxers?"

Stunt 43: 落井下‘猪’

2009-08-25T21:57:00.000-07:00

Things have been happening and a classic 败家子will step out and create more trouble in times of need and desperation.

1. I should be in HK enjoying my leave and free from the evil clutches of the pple here in sgp but no, i do not have such a luxiourious life and i had to be in the shit hole once again.

2. Of all times she muz discover she has BC. She cannot discover it b4 my leave or after my leave. She has to discover it juz when i am abt to go for my leave. How nice.

3. Granny of all times need to go for her post hospitalisation review, which, is not once twice but 6 times. Again how nice.

4. The other aunt gets notice of possibility that she will be retrench and goes into depression mode. How v nice for things to come together.

5. Upon seeing that so much is happening at home, and assuming that it is fun, Beer Pig decides to join in by going for a check-up on his dislocated left throtter. (yes. if u recall its the v trotter that he used to swin too fast so it dislocated.) And so good, the nice doc decides to go ahead and grant beer pig his chao geng plan by 'advicing' him to go for an operation to 'fasten' up his dislocated trotter ( Are times really that bad that docs have to operate on pigs to earn a living???) So happily beer pig gets his wish of chao geng from army and joins the list of pple who needs to be taken care of.

The qn here is once again the knbbccb wans to chao geng but can he choose a better time? No, men are selfish and it is exceptionally vivid in this god damn fark up place. There is alrd not enuf pple to look after the one that has BC and granny who needs to go for review checkups and now Beer Pig decides that if u cant beat them, join them. By going for the op he has benefits as follows:

1. A slightly stronger trotter so that it will not dislocate when he swims faster
2. He being operated on gets hospitalisation leave. No need to army. Can chao geng
3. As he is now a patient, he does not need to look after pple aka wait upon pple but b waited on
4. By doing so, the father has to stop driving taxi and acc him, hence, at the same time he can tell him of his piggy desires and hypnotise him into giving it $$$$$

6. Beer pig decides to complete his wonder act by annoucing to the mother that he wants to go to Australia to study. His rational for doing so - His flen is going. * Claps, blow trumpet, pops party poper, Fireworks. How nice a rational., And guess wad, the mother actually agreed and is now pulling her hair over where she is going to find the $$$$. ( I also pulling my hair, plus all other parts of me which has hair. Damn these fark arseholes)

So, When u are down, things will get worst. In times of need, the pigs will come hit u harder with their trotters instead of helping out. Illustrated as follows.,,,,,

Stunt 41: 命中注定根你‘对’。。。

2009-06-18T03:09:00.000-07:00

When they say its fated, its really fated....

The blardy couch swine is one heck of a torn in the butt... heres why:

1. you dun wana take water drink he dun take. when u take, he come snatch with u
2. u dun leave the house, he also dun leave the house. end up haf to same lift with him
3. u dun wana use the toilet, he dun use. end up he stink the toilet until u cannot go in
and theres much more juz to name a few.....

Heres the latest additon......

I came back really late alrd, at abt 2am and guess wad.... I　ｓｔｅｐｐｅｄ　ｉｎｔｏ　ｔｈｅ　ｈｏｕｓｅ　ｆｏｒ　ａｂｔ　１５ｍｉｎｓ　ａｎｄ　Ｉ　ｈｅａｒｄ　ｔｈｅ　ｄｏｏｒ　ｏｐｅｎｉｎｇ．　Ｃｏｕｃｈ　ｓｗｉｎｅ　ｊｕｚ　ｃａｍｅ　ｂａｃｋ　ａｌｓｏ．．．．ａｎｄ　ｉ　ｔｏｔ　ｗａｄ　ｔｈｅ　ｆａｒｋ，　ｈｅｓ　ｌａｔｅｒ　ｄｅｎ　ｍｅ．　Ａｎｄ　ｉ　ｗａｓ　ｐｌａｎｎｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｇｏ　ｂａｔｈ　ｂ４　ｓｔａｒｔｉｎｇ　ｗｏｒｋ　ａｇａｉｎ　ａｎｄ　ｗｈｏ　ｎｏｅｓ，　ｃｏｕｃｈ　ｓｗｉｎｅ　ｗａｓ　ａｌｒｄ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｗａｓｈｒｏｏｍ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｇｏｔ　ｔｈｅｒｅ．　Ｉ din noe fatties action so fast de....The best part of it all.... I got a surprise when i tried to use it after....

There was a pungent smell of sheltox/baygon. So i deduced...

1. Couchswine couldnt stand his own shit smell and tried to spray air freshener which;
a）he mistok the sheltox as air freshener
b) he thinks sheltox smell nicer
c) Heck, as long as no shit smell

2. Couchswine thinks he is v dirty and needs sheltox to get rid of his dirt

3. He thinks if he spray sheltox on itself, pple wun think he is a carrier of H1N1

4. The centipede from the previous post actually crawled up his ass/ or hid inside his tiny bush and refuse to come out. Thus he used sheltox to try get rid of it...

I shd haf a poll on which is the most possible... haha

Stunt 40: 九死一生

2009-04-26T00:35:00.001-07:00

The father was admiring his recent buy of a new 金龙鱼, which he claims is suppose to be red and was certified to be red.... Seeing that the water was red and the lights were violet, the blardy fish had to look red, i decided to sorta give him a wake up call....

xm:水红, 灯红, 鱼当然红啦!!
father: 这只有certificate de
xm: 我只看见那虫是红的!
father: 我抓了只蜈蚣给它吃, 但是纸袋有洞, 蜈蚣跑掉了...
xm: den, 跑去哪里?
father:不知道...

.................gg...........................

Stunt 39: Poly Pig.....

2009-03-03T08:45:00.000-08:00

Not much updates recently because the pigs were not much in action... but the major turn abt would be that couchswine is now offically 'poly pig'. [Shit to the fact that i cant capture a shot of his er xin looks when he dresses up to go poly]. The mere fact that he thinks he is damn shuai pisses me off and gets my blood boiling....

自认英俊肖撒，多情浪子.....

Now it has one more toy to play with and he still thinks that he is damn good at wad he is doing..... on tv and use laptop at the same time....if u take a good look at the tv... he is watching some AT cartoon on channel 8....anything wrong with this? If u are looking on as a any random person, nothing is wrong, but from my pt of view.....he is one big fark dumb ccb wif lp growing on his cbf. Heres why....

1. I pay 60+++ bucks every mth for SCV only for a ccb lp cbf to hog the tv and watch channel 8.

2. There is someone hogging the tv and slowing down my dl speed at the same time...

3. There is nowhere else to sit at home.

Nowadays, couchswine receives a phone call and he will transform into poly pig.... menicing through the streets and leaving a trail of mess in the house....

Its priced possession now...which it thinks is v hip and cool....

And to think, it cause this piece of shit is SGD1990..... way off the price and carroted....

As usual, poly pig lp on cbf leaves its shit ard the place n goes out to.....

The biggest stunt of all was when we gathered for dinner and he made an announcement:

"我不要吃太多，我要减肥“。。。

Stunt 38: 到底谁是谁?!!

2009-02-21T23:57:00.000-08:00

Came home late from work one day to find this ..........

A couple of days back, i was waiting for the washroom to be avail so that i could take a shower from the weird hot weather. So as usual, the couch was at this trone while beer pig was nowhere to be seen. I stood beside the sofa and caught some action from the 9pm show and was delighted that dawn yeo's character shared the same name as my colleague.

I then heard the washroom door slide open so i headed for it.

Den came the shock, I saw couchswine walking out from the washroom. I was 99% sure i saw it on the sofa. How can it be walkin out of the washroom????

Hmm, den on closer look, i realised it was beerpig.

Woa, cannot blame me lor. They looK so balrdly alike and fat. Then both like to come out of the washroom with nothing but fats and a towel wraped ard their privates......

Beer pig with his new 恶心 boxers.

Couch swine showing how a split is done, Fatty style.

The conculsion and moral of the post is : They suck, Big time.

Stunt 37:他去拜年,我去睡!!

2009-01-27T05:54:00.000-08:00

Chinese New Year is definately my most hated festive season. Heres why:

1. Its tmd noisy.( cause the noise is suppose to chase away some monster and gives pple excuse to play majong and keep pple awake.)

2. Makes pple fat from all the eating and eating and more eating.

3. The 三姑六婆 will come out from nowhere and ee ee ooor oor + fi li flare leh

4. Mus go 拜年. Of course 拜年 is a must with the elderly to pay respects to them but to be tied up at yr mums flens place the whole day is defn a no no.

5. Must 拜年 with them----->

Couch Swine posing at the restuarant door. 快我leh!!!!很饿了!!!!

The 2 animals at the mother's flens place. Max sian-ed so they look gloomy and sad. The beer pig is not allowed at beer while the couch king misses his own throne.

Couch swine tryin to act slim and squeeze between the cars. Tryin to seat in the front so that it can enjoy a nap along the way to the next boring destination,

Pissed from house visiting, couch swine walks with a stomp

The couch swine showing a pissed look when his order for more bacon wrapped sausages, char siew pau, chee cheong fun, har gau, xiao long bao and carrot cake has not arrived.

Finally, the sleeping godness of house visiting. 去到哪儿,睡到哪儿

Stunt 36: 作贼心虚

2009-01-27T05:36:00.000-08:00

Admidst the CB Lin and 阿Sa "小酒窝", came a knock on my door. It was beerpig in his new disgusting boxers which i duno how to discribe except for 恶.

He wanted to borrow my IP Man 叶问 dvd. To my surprise he said 叶问 and not IP Man. So i went in search of it, knowing excactly where i left it. To my astountment, the dvd was not where i left it. I am sure i dun hav 老人痴呆 and noe where i left my stuff. I searched for it abit while beer waited. I gave up and beer reluctantly left. Suspecting something Piggish, i went out to the living room. As soon as i stepped out, i saw the cb couchswine behaving weirdly. He started to ask BeerPig he neva watch in the movies b4 meh? den he suddenly asked wad the father was doing and volunteered his help. He den started to tie ribbons on the plum blossoms.

值得怀疑? realli strange......

Orange Pig

Stunt 35: 我很容易满足的...

2009-01-03T05:06:00.000-08:00

Its a bit late but nonetheless at least its here,

On the night b4 the Standard Chartard run, our fav F.Asshole dresses up and tries to leave the house. He tot he would not be discovered if he walked silently but to his dismay, his shaking fats aroused the attention of the mother. So here went the conv bet F.Asshole couching swine and the mother.

M:Where are u going?
CS: I am going to work
M: work wad? so late at this hr? (23oohrs)
CS:Ya, i am going to work part time.
M: where?now?
CS: Standard Charted Run. I go set up
M:Set up wad? where got set up so late one? how much thet pay u?
CS: Have la, u duno den dun anyhow say dun hav. they payin me 20sgd, i very easy satisfied one. 20sgd and one free addidas T-shirt i can liao.
M: U crazy ah, so little u still go. dun go dun go. u stay at home
CS: But i very easily satisfied one. I will go i tell u
M: U better not go. waste time. work until wad time?
CS: 6am onli.
M: So long so little money u still go. U stupid de u
CS: Stop callin me stupid. (CS den opens the gates in fury and runs away into the lift)

Seeing that she could do no further, the mother reluctantly gives up.......

The next day after the SC run, hes back at his throne once again, with 'style'

And heres the lastest collection of "I'll go buy rice" by beer pig.

As edible as anything could get in the world with 20sgd.

A bit of a sidetrack. Noticed some stolen bubble gum in JB Giant. Cant help but relate to the F.Asshole swine who does this all the time to my belongings. I get missing drinks, missing pieces of my dinner, missing dvd, missing clothes and the list goes on......

Stunt 34: Beer Pig OOC

2008-11-16T07:19:00.000-08:00

WTH,WTF, Beer Pig chao geng until he OOC.

See his bloody fark happy face really is want to kick it real hard and stuff his own LP into his mouth.

He complain to his MO abt his dislocated shoulder pain when carryin stretcher during medic course and the MO OOC him...TMD.WTF. Now he is RP at mindef camp. So near some more. And the best thing, He gets to come home everyday......

And i have to see this bloody sight whenever i come back to the house. He leaves his boots outside the house...hmm wonder wad will happen if he wakes up one morn to find all his ccb boots missing....really makes me wonder...

Step into the house only to be greeted by more shit....they really think the whole house belongs to them... no wonder he got confined...hope he gets more confinements...

Fark BeerPig and to hell with the both of them.SUTC

Stunt 33: 出来吃是这样的...

2008-11-16T07:06:00.000-08:00

Man make wrong decisions and heres one of them:

As i was working near the mother for the week, i decided to have dinner with her and i knocked off ard the same time that she would usually go back.

Halfway through dinner... she realises that she cannot finish her plate of char siew noodles...hence she asked if i wanted some char siew...

I told her no...

Den she insists that the char siew was not fat and is lean meat...

Haiz to stop her nagging, i agreed...

So she happily takes some char siew with her chopsticks and passes it to me...

Jus b4 she could land the char siew on my plate, her chopsticks slipped....

Shooting the pieces of char siew on my face and some strains of noodles on my shirt......

I stared at her and in a moment of panic or dono wad shit, she said this:

"出来吃是这样的hor"

WTF...

Stunt 32: 沙发猪神算

2008-11-16T06:46:00.000-08:00

Clinging sounds of keys unlocked the house door.

Stepping into the house was a mother eagar to noe the outcome of his piggy son who juz took the O' levels history paper today.....only to find his beloved pig son layin on the sofa in his godly posture once again.....(when he has another paper the next day)

Mother:为什么你在看电视?你明天不是有paper meh?
CouchSwine:我relax一下不可以是吗?我读整天了只是你没看见而已!!!!
Mother: 你今天history paper怎样?
CouchSwine: 我很厉害lor!!!给我spot到question. Ha Ha 那个老师叫我读Russia. 我不听,我去读china. Heng China出lor. Ha Ha.(Gives a CCB grin)
Mother:你so厉害? spot 到question? Den你会作吗?
CouchSwine: OF COURSE LA!!!三题给我spot到两题lor... hehe (another KNN grin)...
Mother: Den还有一题leh?
CouchSwine: 不会作....

Spot yr LP la. See u can spot when yr LP will drop anot...,,,,,

Stunt 31:钱不够用

2008-11-16T06:19:00.000-08:00

Dono why out of the blue there is a dinner on devapali... so juz played along and went...
As usual, whenever there is gathering, no good happens and shit spills out from the 2 shit holes...

Heres one:
Auntie 1: 你现在做兵会辛苦吗?
Beer Pig: Erm, ok la.
Auntie 1: Army给你多少钱? 够用吗?
Beer Pig:Not enough. They only give me 500sgd now.
Auntie 1: 500sgd还不够啊? 你还有跟你老逗拿钱啊?
Beer Pig:Ya.Have, really not enough la.
Auntie 1: Why not enough?
Beer Pig: Cause i wana subscribe for magazine...
Auntie 1: Wad magazine?
Beer Pig:Forbes lor.
Auntie 1: Wah u got read forbes one ah. good good. should read should read
Beer Pig: ya. and it costs me 200sgd. so really not enough lor...
Auntie 1: how much yr father give u every month?
Beer Pig: ard 200sgd like that...

Fark your LP man BeerPig. Totally rubbish conversation lor. wad $$$ not enough. Bloody keng siao CB. 500sgd every month still not enough for a CB private meh? Wad subscrie forbes....forbes is 200sgd per year lor, not per month. who he tryin to fake ah....tmd knnb. he also neva pay for any bills... so where did all his $$$$ go?

OF COURSE IS DRINK BEER LA. CCB. Mouth like CB like that shoot water.

And wow. Look at his collection of new shoes........

SUTC

Stunt 30:扑街人渣

2008-10-14T06:28:00.003-07:00

好消息......

好消息......

Beer Pig kena his 1st confinment...... lua song... sibei happy and should celebrate..... but then, its only confine it for friday onli. Onli friday cannot come back, haiz, lua sian.....

His reason for confinement: Too messy a cupboard.

He deserve it.Songnesss.

So when he got back, he was super depressed. Feeling sad, he felt the constant urge to chao geng and not return to camp. So he thought of a 'brilliant' plan. Guess wad, he went to ask the father if he had enuf $$$$ to pay the bail for him to exempt national service. And he was in all smiles when he asked the qn..... I was like SUTC....

The natural reply to that was tmd and GTH.........

So the dissapointed beer pig returns to his room, feeling pissed that his plan did not work.

Den, on the night he was suppose to book in, the father notices that its almost time to book-in but ccb beer pig was still lazyin ard in bed on the phone. So the Dad urges it to change and get ready,,,,, and.........

Beer Pig: 我 on M.C!!!!

Self declared the wor.... so the fathers asks if it see doctor liao.

Beer Pig: 我明天去看....

Win liao lor......chao geng until like that....see liao also wana kick him a few times...

And so u think thats all for now?

No....... theres more....

At ard 0000hrs, beer pig changes and leaves the house with the car.

Discovering that the pig was missing, the mother freaks out and panics in the house.....

mother: 它去哪里? 会不会有事,等下被police 抓怎么办?办?

So she calls beer pig.....

Mother: 你在哪里?
Beer Pig: 我在楼下,一下子回来...
Mother: Oh ok, 快点回来....

Farkin dumb.....

Stunt 29: 恶梦复发,无法去除,永远徘徊你左右

2008-10-05T06:39:00.000-07:00

It juz wun go away..... as expected and predicted by many..... once a cb always a cb.... chao geng mc still not enuf....now the farker knn beer pig wans to do a big gao gao one... he wans to go for operation.......

At ard 9plus in the night... as beer pig was getting ready to book in----( he asks the father to fetch him....tmd ccb so big liao still ask father fetch)

Mother to father: 老二说它的手又掉下来leh....
Mother to beer pig: 为什么掉?
Beer Pig: 游泳太用力lor....
Mother: 太用力, 我不是叫你不要用力lor!
(Hello, excuse me, dun use strength how to swim ah?)

Den the mother proceeded to tell the father abt how the camp PO advised beer pig to go for op as it keeps falling.....den he can go for 3 mths mc. Which Beer pig is very gian on doing....

Upon hearing 3mths mc, i almost fainted and sensed that gloomy house days are ahead...

Wonder which poor soul is gona look after a handicapped beer pig...

Maybe beer can cure dislocated shoulder....fix one beer can inside to fix the shoulder....yea that would do...

Fark beer pig and his ugly undies....tmd....

Stunt 28: 永远地沙发之皇

2008-10-05T06:22:00.000-07:00

Times pass and its been long since the bloody couchswine came to say hi... so in case some pple do miss him.... heres hows hes been.....

As usual, hes been hogging the sofa, tv, phone, coffee table, fan and tissue box. As usual, the farker couchswine switches on the tv but dosen watch it and does smth else. Wonder if he really takes joy and pride in hogging the tv.... now hes at his best again.... wasting electricity......

And when hes awake, he does this...(amazed and shocked once again)

Sitting by his Laying Lotus pose, he sucks on the piping used to prevent stuff from slippin into the sides of the sofa........wonder where the other end of the pipe leads to..... hmmm... take a good look....

SideTrack 1: No wonder he needs $$$....

2008-09-20T07:46:00.000-07:00

I can now officially delegate this blog to FAT and DISGUSTING pple.......cause heres a sidetrack... (Been holdin on to this for sometime)

Stumbled across this while on the trains....seems like it was played all over the place durin some pt in time.....

This explains why he was goin ard borrowin $$$$ from everyone.... makes sense rite...?

Now that it is over, wonder how was the sales....hmm...maybe we will noe when he starts calling again....going for a 2nd show maybe...who noes....Heres a middle finger to him.(Nahbei)

-----------------------------------------P.S-----------------------------------------------

Stunt 27: 不拿是笨蛋?

2008-09-20T07:32:00.000-07:00

Came from borin work as usual one day to find this:

As i scratched my head and walked into the tmd smelly irritatin house. I saw our beloved friend sitting on the sofa in this disgusting boxers (pls refer to past post to refresh if u cant rem). At that point of time, i am sure he was not out of bmt yet. How come he was home?------->

He CHAO KENG mc....

Pretent to be sick and got 3 days mc for throat pain....

How come nowadays MO so good de?

When i asked the mother how come he was home... she told me he was sick and 不拿是笨蛋... cause everyone was takin....

Feelin disgusted by the way she thinks, i sneered her and rolled my eyes.....what kind of mother produces what kind of children.....

Stunt 26: 我家有个'[萧敬腾]'

2008-08-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

Yes its true. My house got '疯惊疼' aka Siao Jing Teng.

Neva fail to irritate and full of FxxK foolishness, the bloody ccb swine was at it again. Came home after work one day tp find the washroom occupied by the ccb as usual. Once this kinda bloody tmd cb '对' wif you means its forever de. Everytime u dun bath he dun bath, u dun wan use washroom he dun use. U dun wana open fridge drink water he dun drink, when he see u drink den he faster run and snatch the washroom or fridge.

LL no choice i wait and wondered how come the cb swine so long still haben come out and why he come back so long liao dun bath, when pple come back den he bath. So i buay tahan go look see look see. As i neared the washroom, i could hear smth else besides the shower splattering against the door. It was "收藏"......

Jam xiao was in the washroom. There was music playin from the toilet and there was some squeeking sound of a swine. Juz like when they are abt to be slaughtered. Water splattering against the door, jam xiao music and pig sweeking... take some time to imagine ah....ear pain lor....

And pls note this jam xiao is not the jam music dat jam but kaya roti and jam that jam ba.....

Indeed this ccb is tmd ccb, Bring handfone inside tandas to play mp3 and open concert...plus knn sibei pai tia lor. He definately has lots to 收 [[his knnbccb barang all over the house]] and 藏 [[his fatty tyre ard himself and his buttcrack]].

'疯惊疼' - got one 疯 in the tandas and you will 惊 if u noe who and wad he do inside besides dua lau and make the place busok plus 疼 in the ears if u hear him squeek.

Stunt 25: Beer Pig no more..........

2008-08-07T05:55:00.000-07:00

Althought its only for a few days, life without Beer Pig was good;and i thought it would be so.

Heres a glimpse of Beer Pig 去当兵....

Look see, wah the mother so excited. Neva sit [penguine] b4. Beer pig still very happy and ignorant of wad is waiting for him. Relac relac.

See. Now Beer Pig face change. Hamed liao. Fall in le. But his kawan beside him still relac. Well done i muz say, but Point middel finger at photographer muz gan gan de. Can refer to CBK blog for example.

So off goes Beer Pig and guess who rules king now?....

森林无狮虎, Ma Lau 称皇帝

Couch swine relased his carnage.....

On Tv, on aircone, den hog the masterbedroom, things all over the placem use 2 washrooms at one time, use laptop till 3am when he got sch tomolo. When pple call him to wake up, he pick up fone den go back to sleep. Ended up 2 days neva go school.

When questioned, he still say he very honest and told sch he overslept, so he neva go sch.

After a couple of days, Beer Pig say he attend C liao. MO give him excusee cause he dislocated his shoulder. Reason: Swim too fast.

Haiz. To hell with the both of them.

Stunt 24: 颓废王

2008-06-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

Beer pig handfone bill is 160sgd

Beer pig asks for 200sgd from father to buy camera-less phone for enlistment

Beer Pig asks father how much he is gona get as allowance when he is in army

Beer Pig calls father to pick him up at RP because its raining, when father arrive he ask father to ferry he and his frends to causeway pt. Den he ask father to go back while he go CWP wif his frends

Beer pig comes back at 4in the morn and sleeps thru the day. wakes at 2 to look for food. when father come back wif food. eat liao go back zzz again. nite wait for father come back wif car den slip away from mother notice. SOP everynite. got beer smell and keep askin father for $$$$

Beer Pig runs out of the house wif the car keys when mother is bathing

Beer Pig wayang infornt of the parents b4 they leave for holiday, offers to drive them to the airport but mother exposes him of his plot to hav the car for the week to himself

Beer Pig SUXS

Stunt 23: The Chronicles of Couch Swine - The King, The 懒 and The 断手断脚

2008-06-25T05:13:00.000-07:00

The King

The King siting on his throne, giving his best pose for all to aw at his figure.

The King still at his thron but finding his ass itchy, so he decides to give it a scratch. Nevertheless, not forgeting to show of his figure again...

Tempretaures fallin and despite the large amt of fats,The King still feels cold thus decides to cover himself with a quilt to keep himself warm. Has a cup of hot chocolate to aid his need and pamper himself at the same time....(Pls note the bloody cup that he uses)

The ultimate pose for all to admire his figure. Drapping over the corners where the couch breaks, is a perfect curvature. Desired by most but unacheivable by many...... Practised to perfection by The King over countless hours on his throne, this pose will fully show-off whad the King is made of......

The 懒

How do u noe that the bloody couch swine is at home even when all the windows are shut and the lights are off? The bloody gate will be left open as shown above...... It really pisses me off. Is it really that difficult to close the gate behinde u when u come in and then lock it? Well this seems like a really very thought job for the ccb Couch Swine..........----->This is why........

The door knob from the inside of the door is turn-styled de. Hence if neba guess wrongly, our friend takes out his knnbccb keys, unlocks the gates, steps in and juz closes the door behind him, turning the knobs to lock the door only. The only explanation for leavin the gate open is he is simply too fark lazy to use the keys one more time to lock the gates or he is too lazy to stretch his piggy arms out to pull the gate in. Therefore, The 懒 simply closes the door and locks the door only.... the end result to the other pple......see below...

Open the door and what awaits u is bear openess and total exposure. I dono if others feel this way too but when u open the door expecting to see a gate infront of u and u dun see it, u feel weird. Its like very exposeed and anything can come out from nowhere. Its like the sense of security is lost, but then again it seems like the inside is more dangerous then the outside......

The 断手断脚

See anything familiar? If u are more observant , u will find the King's chocolate cup still at the coffee table while the King is no where in sight. Typical actions of a King i suppose....just leave things lyin ard when u finish using them. Acting like a king to be waited upon but when u are juz a ccb couch swine, u are juz known as 断手断脚, no head no tail... No amt of vulgarities can suppress the 断手断脚ness of couch swine......Just take a look....

This is suppose to be a dining table, but look at what its become after Couch Swine passes through it or couch swine taking fancy of it......

The holy pants of the emperor's new clothes. Left hanging ard. Waiting for god noes who to keep for the fark couch swine....

After enjoying the repetitive views of the same movie or etc, the disc is left above the player. It gets piled up until the mother or father cannot tahan den will keep for the 断手断脚....the ccb couch swine

Here lies the oil stains of the 断手断脚 again, keys and xxxx on a seat that is meant for butts. Imagine a butt to the keys or the xxxx. SongNess

Once again, the bag of the 断手断脚 when he returns from school. Leaves his fark bag there when he ascends his throne. Occupying not 1 not 2 not 3 but the entire house, thinking that this really is his palace aka sty.

And here we hav the ultimate prize of the day....refrigerated wallet and HP......

[子女本是前世欠的债]

Stunt 22: Beer Pig ah, Beer Pig....

2008-06-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day......

Sad to say, once again its the gatherin of the 三姑六婆..... this time damage to the ears is 55% only...cause their target is Beer Pig..( 爽爽爽)... He is abt to go tekong liao, of course unless he 'pao lu'...

Auntie J:你几时当兵？
Auntie C:你头发为什么那么乱?
Granny:你几时当兵？

(Pls note that the above 3 people spoke simultaneously aka all at once)

Mother:你几时要下来剪头发？

(This is before Beer Pig could reply to the above 3qns)

Beer Pig: Erm,,,Er

Auntie J:你当兵,你怕吗？
Auntie C:Aiyo为什么你怕?

(Simultaneously again, if not one after another)

Beer Pig: Huh, I neva scared ma!!!
XM:为什么Beer Pig要剪头发？它都要剃Botak了....
Mother: 它的那么长，剃了会痛的。我帮它剃一点先....
xm: 进去了还是要剃的，就算你skinhead or botak了还是要给$3.00sgd剃的,scam de
Mother: 我怕它痛....
(Diao....really is 爱子心切)

Luckily, the food arrived and save Beer Pig from all the 'Ee Ee Orr Orr'

After Dinner, this happened....our cock Beer Pig in action again...

Beer Pig volunteered to drive the way back after dinner and when he was abt to exit the carpark, he saw a taxi stoppin by the roadside. Hence, he decided to turn into the other forward lane.....

There was another taxi behind beer pig whom was also exitin the car park. It too turned into the other forward lane seeing the taxi by the road side.....following behind beer pig...

Seeming like all was well but Beer Pig hit the brakes and suddenly slowed the vehicle down calmly when he came side by side wif the taxi that was by the road.... He turned to the father who was siting beside in the front passenger sit wif a semi-confident look, looking to him for reassurance,but all he got was ....................a LOUD HORN from the taxi behind.

When asked why he stopped the car when both the lanes were clear, Beer Pig's reply was he sharply saw that the taxi by the roadside was abt to move off and he scared the taxi will hit him...

Well, thats Beer Pig..... Applause please......thank you.....

Triggering another thought.....

.............. A Few weeks ago..............................................

Beer Pig crashed the car

Yeah, wohooo, finally, yes liao, HSLG

Apparently he said some van hit him from behind during peak hour on the PIE...Claims that it was not his fault and he was the victim. He immediately called the father when it happended and naturally he got off the car to speak wif the other driver. When Beer Pig did this, he left the keys on the car and he got locked out of it...(How cock, dumbass)

Beer Pig gets 反锁ed and i hav to bring him the spare keys, got hurried out of the toilet when i was down wif the brown...tmd....cockass

Then when Beer Pig got back, the mother once again 爱子心切, ask about all the insurance stuff and pretend to know alot when she actually only noes abit. Beer Pig was hit from the back, he was alone in the car and guess wad, the mother ask him to claim for injuries when he actually has none on him. She says that this is a good chance to A $$$$. She says Beer Pig should see a Doc, say his old injury of a dislocated left shoulder relapsed because of the accident. Beer Pig upon hearin this grinned wif glee.......

(Wah lau eh, where got mother like datt teach son de....ask son go cheat $$$$ wor)

Stunt 21:原来如此.....

2008-06-12T07:08:00.000-07:00

As the sayin goes:"There's always a catch to anything good....没有白吃的午餐". Once again I hav been blinded by the sudden acts of goodness from Beer Pig....真是没好康。

My flight back from Hong Kong was late at night and as i din wan to hail a cab, I called the father to ask Beer Pig to bring my ride to the Airport.When the plane landed and i turned my mobile on, i received a small surprise, Beer Pig was already at the terminal waitin. This made me wonder:'how and why on earth is the beer pig willin to come and why is he on time..hmmm...'

As i passed thru the customs and arrived at the waitin area, Beer Pig spotted me. To my amazement, he was full of zest, jumped and waved at me the moment he saw me.... ( was he too excited to pick someone up from the plane house as he has neva done so b4? Nah cant be)....

He quickly approached me and offered to push my trolley for me? ( i was like wad de...????) R,Y & P was like wondering too...'How come yr bro so enthu? Why he like super friendly ah?' Y wondered if he was excited becaues he tot that i will buy smtg for him...Which then brings me to the point--> I bought him a bottle of Baley's thinkin that he was nice enuf to come down and pick me up,which i totally regret now and blame my dumb self...To add on to the weirdness, he even bought me a drink...(diao...huh...???scratches head)

Strangely again when we exited the buildin, he told us to wait while he brings the car over...since when were his gestures so nice?...I was wonderin if its because my frends are ard and he din wan to xia suay himself, so make himself more postive lookin...(No, its not like this de,,,,all fake de)

After droppin P & R off, Beer Pig requested to be dropped at Bukit Panjang to meet his frend. I tot well its fair enuf as he did come to pick me up and i shall not question his doins...(Darn i was dumbs at tat time, shd hav dragged him home)...Thinkin that all was well, i reached home and left all the luggage in the car with the idea that i can unpack tomorrow....not knowin wad was brewin and the storm that was in store for me.....

I bathed, made my bed and juz as i was abt to lie down and greet the sandman, the father came walkin into the room..."aye,你回来了啊。。。！！","Beer Pig 去载你ah?". I replied him yes and told him that i dropped beer pig off at Bukit Panjang.....That I tell u, put a smack across his face and woke him from his dreamy state...

Father:为什么Beer Pig 在 Bukit Panjang?
Me: 因为是我载它去的。。。(Aiyo..Dooh,Really is dumb qn leh, Din i juz tell u i drove him there...)
Father: 我叫它今天帮我做工，它跑去Bukit Panjang,cham liaos...
Me:Den 怎么办...
Father: erm, 不然你帮我lor, 你mother生病不能下去...
Me: huh...!!!???....OK lor...

晴天霹雳

I LL suck tumb bo bian.....

The pieces of the puzzle had come together, i finally saw the whole scam, wad beer pig was planning all along... No wonder he was so enthu and happy to see me. No wonder he bought me a drink. No wonder he was willing to come down to airport to pick me up. No wonder he acted so nice and postive and friendly. SCAM de...TMD !@&^%#@@#%^**^%#@

He was jus happy to see his CCP days over as I hav returned....TMD KnnBccB

The Point to note here is he 跑路....

.................................几天后..................................................................

After a few days of CCP life, I found out that on tat very day Beer Pig came to pick me at the airport, he toke the car and left at ard 10pm when he was suppose to be at the airport at 1am...WTF.... Heard tat it took the car to meet his fren in Thomson...( wad the fish is his issue wif thomson man? always go there, Langa car also langa there, maybe he bury his treasue there? wads his treasue? oh, u wun wan to noe...haha)

Durin the few days of Beer Pig's ccp life, the father was under tremendous pressure as mentioned by the father.... Beer Pig keep hurryin the father to close shop and go back when it was only 12pm (Hello...Lunch time close shop???? confirm the brain grow on the ass de...). When the father juz did a dish, he would ask the father to throw it away, say keep liao la, dun do so much dishes to sell.He din do the washin nor did he help prepare the ingredients. All he did was sell,count $$$$ and fed on the food when it was ready...( EH, the food is suppose to be sold, not be used to feed pigs de wor, tmd)He watched by the side as the father washed the plates, issuin futher pressure on the father to release him from the ccp life... when asked by the malay stall why din he help wif the washin...His reply was: "Oh, its not my job, not my duty"... Everyday he would ask the father: " 爸，你几时要fire我?"....

The bottom line---> He is paid $50.00 to work 4 hrs a day..

The latest i heard today at CCP stall...'爸，我很难过. 要当兵了,我很伤心,sad。I think 我要逃兵。'

Swee. Song. HSLG liao....

---"跑路的猪拖到Pekin还是跑路的猪"

Stunt 20: 神奥的一tube of Colgate

2008-05-27T06:18:00.000-07:00

我家是用COLGATE刷牙的，而在我家有ONE TUBE OF COLGATE 很神奇。它不管怎么用都是用不完的。。。

当我发现这个秘密时，我是有如被雷辟了，辟醒了沉睡中的我。再仔细想想，这一切的一切都非常符合逻辑。。。也承认了我的不切实，习惯性的依赖眼前的假象。。。猪是不会拿牙刷刷牙的。。。我真笨。。。

在半梦半醒的装下，我发现了那导火线的COLGATE。一条似乎快被挤干的COLGATE，冷清清的被遗忘在一角落。我拿起了它，尝试着把牙膏挤出来。然而我还是费了一班力气把牙膏挤出。刷着牙时，我脑子里想着那两只猪真是CCB，牙膏剩这么少了还不拿新的出来。(因为这间茅厕的牙膏只有它们和我用吧了)

隔天，当我再一次踏进那冲凉房时，我吓瞎了眼，那一条似乎快被挤干的COLGATE，还是冷清清的被遗忘在一角落。我又拿起了它，尝试着把牙膏挤出来。然而我又是费了一班力气把牙膏挤出。刷着牙时，我脑子里又想着那两只猪真是CCB，牙膏剩这么少了还不拿新的出来。

这样的情况维持了一星期，而这也开始让我起了疑心--->难道它们都不刷牙的吗？

我渐渐地的发现，它们一起身不是看电视就是拿面包来吃。进冲凉房也只是小便，根本没碰过那牙膏。。。就算是被叫骂时，还假装到里面洗洗脸就算了，以为可以瞒天过海。。。

怪不得那支牙膏总是用不完，总是没换新的

Stunt 19: The Father, the pigs & the !@#$%Laundry

2008-05-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

And it really makes me wonder.....yeahhhh....whohoooo....on how much laundry can be generated by 4 people in a day...whoooo....

The truth is, the entire washing machine can be filled with laundry in just one day. Whenever i hang the laundry, there be at least 3 bamboo poles for the swine and 2 poles for the Beer Pig, thats like 2 sets each plus the uniforms. [Well, cant balme them u noe cause larger size take up more space. So more bamboo poles...but then again, thay like bath 3 times a day..so...&^%#$]

Having generated so much laundry is sickening enough already and they will still have issues with the hanging of the laundry.....

Issue 1: The Laundry stays within the house the whole day...

The mother hangs the laundry inside the house, afraid that if she leaves it outside, it might rain and nobody collects it..... The truth is, beer pig is at home and he is zzzzing like as what he should be---> a dead pig. So if the mother hangs the laundry outside, nobody will be bothered abt it, even if it rains...

Issue 2: 让它吹吹风

The mother will KPKB everyone if she comes back and finds the laundry still wet (even if it was raining the whole day) thus the father in order to avoid hearing the high pitched KPKB insists that the laundry goes outside. The LP Beer Pig is at home the whole day and he neva brings the laundry out, when i come back then the father will kpkb me to bring it out..Really is TMD 死Beer Pig. On a few occasions, even when it is abt to rain he asked me to bring it out when i juz brought everything in... I told him 要下雨了leh... He said 让它吹吹风... 8pm in the evening... I told him no sun liao... He said 让它吹吹风....

WAH KAO, you think the laundry is 张学友 is it?...想和你再去吹吹风,去吹吹风....

Issue 3: Where on earth is the Laundry?...Hmmm

The Laundry is not inside, its not outside, so where is it...???

Its DownStairs!!!....

Was driving home one day when i noticed a bamboo pole near the playground at my void deck. Then i was thinking to meself who so Xia Suay drop the bamboo pole till ground floor... Then i see closely again... The bamboo pole kana 'sek sek', like where see b4 de... den i see the clothes also 'sek sek' so i decided to stop the car and check it out... TMD is really my shirt and the mother's clothes... I sibei 'Huay Dua' lor... I bo bian but bring the bamboo pole up.. Somemore got people take same lift as me lor... Give me weird look... I lua xia suay lor...!@#$%^&

When i got home, i saw beer pig at home, but before i jump to any conclusions, i called the father... Apparently the story was the father got home, hung out the laundry and left the house again. It started to shower and the father called the 死Beer Pig to bring in the laundry..... So it is apparently that the 死Beer Pig dropped the bamboo pole until the ground floor even without realizing it.... When the father asked him, he only replied 'erm ya'... Really is TMD 死Beer Pig

Issue 4: Dry liao also got problem

Wet got problem, dry liao also ma fan... When Laundry dry le, no body keep in the mother also KPKB... When keep in le no body fold she also KPKB... Then she will ask Couch Swine to fold the clothes...Why Couch Swine?... Because he is there lying on the couch ma...

Sometimes the Swine silently obeys sometimes he attempts to retaliate...And when he does, thay will KPKB each other...very nosiy de... When he dosen't, he anyhow folds the clothes and chucks all of the clothes into his own cupboard...including mine... Thus this explains why my clothes end up on his oily body....

SUX House....(*&^%$

Stunt 18: Somebody Save me Please....

2008-05-13T00:43:00.000-07:00

Woke up from a nice evening nap and saw dinner at the dinner table....only packet left on the table...

And guess whats for dinner again......CCP....

(Proof that i am not lying)

And things only get from bad to worst.... Last time it was 3 Veg CCP, now its 1 veg + 1 egg + curry gravy.... [Guess who bought dinner peeps?]...I am begining to wonder, Beer Pig got sign contract wif SFI de is it? No, i think the food is worst den SFI...

Heres another point to proof: Pig trotters cannot be used to function as hands..They are only meant to be consumed... BTW, the laundry basket is empty and the washine machine behinde it is also empty... And our dear pet left all his F*** clothes all over it once again...

Hoping for 人间地狱 to end soon......

Stunt 17: 当Couch Swine冲凉时。。。

2008-05-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

当Couch Swine冲凉时, the toilet seems as if it had juz been through a world war. Nothing withstands the mayhem of the CouchSwine....

As we all noe, pigs hav trotters and thay may not be ..erm....er...tat 'effective'. Even when there is a basket for dirty laundry infront of the toilet, the swine decides to leave his extremely large pants beside the laundry basket... [my question is why can't he place it inside the basket? so difficult meh?There is a bloody big basket for u to put the laundry in & u choose to leave it beside the basket...wtf]

( Evidence that trotters can't work or the swine's pants are too large for the basket)

The situation inside the toilet is'nt any better... The ceiling gets wet, all the walls are wet, the toilet seat is wet, the toilet paper is wet, the entire basin is wet.... And if yr lucky... you may even find the swine's underwear in the basin...juz like below.. 爽

(恶心底裤一条。。免费赠送)

After enjoying his shower, the swine wraps himself in a towel and juz trots across the house; exposing the world's most disgusting sight to all in the neighborhood. BTW, to recall, the swine is 17 already. [ A 17-year-old still walks out of the toilet naked and goes into the room to change, his windows are open and he flashes for all to see.. Same goes for the Beer Pig...] Notice his left arm clinging onto the towel? Thats because the towel is'nt long enough to wrap around the gigantic waistline of the swine....

Conclusion: Just pity the next user.....

Stunt 16: " Gooooood Mooooorning Mr. Beeeeer Piiiiig"

2008-05-07T10:20:00.000-07:00

The rays of morning sun seeped through the windows and casted itself upon a lying figure. Upon closer look.....its the BEER PIG, lazying ard in bed, refusing to acknowledge the morning heat on his butt.

Rise and Shine Beer Pig.... Its a new day...a new begining..... Its the day when Beer Pig becomes a RELIEF TEACHER....

Beer Pig finally agrees to start as a relief teacher at JPS after multiple attemts to get him there by the mother. Previous attempts were met wif reasons such as too last minute or no transport there. The reason for accepting the job this time -->to get away from the other task of having to help his father sell ccp as comparatively, relief teaching is much easier.

So off the Beer Pig goes to start his new adventures in JPS........

Somewhat during 8am

Beer Pig eagerly gets his class that he is suppose to supervise and walks through the welcoming doors of the classroom...only to be met with a loud exclamation of "WOW"...

Beer Pig: Who WOW?
Class: Boy xxx (all points finger at boy xxx)
Beer Pig to boy xxx: why u wow?
boy xxx: cause u very....erm.... large
Beer Pig:u think its very funny is it?
boy xxx:no teacher....(shakes head in plea + scared/ham)
Beer Pig: U go outside and stand....

And so poor boy xxx gets punished for exclaiming at beer pig's figure.... Haiz...poor thing....

Close to recess at 10am

The class was in complete silence due to the domineering presence of teacher Beer Pig. Suddenly, a brave soul broke the long awkward silence in class..... a male warrior raised his arm to lead the revolution against the evil teacher beer pig....

Boy zzz: Teacher can i go toilet?
beer pig: very urgent is it?
Boy zzz: ya...yes...
beer pig: wait awhile...going to recess soon...
boy zzz: teacheeeer, very urgent
beer pig: ok go go go

Boy zzz opened the floodgates, his perseverance against the dark force touched the souls and kidney bladders of his classmates.... as soon as he left, many other hands raised... all requesting to go toilet...

Beer Pig: All cannot go... going to recess already... all wait.....
Beer Pig: All want to go toilet together?....
Beer Pig: U all think i dono... U all wan to escape like Mas Selamatt right?
Beer Pig: [Toilet Break] right?

WOW... what a start to a promising career...(oops, i said WOW,please dun punish me teacher beer pig)... As the saying goes: [Come no shadow, go no trace], beer pigs career curtain called on the very same day it started. Beer Pig informed the school of his unwillingness to return to relief teach and left the joyous place. When questioned by the mother that night, beer pig claimed that it was very tough to relief-teach and does not wan to go back anymore.....

Oh well, it was still an unforgettable journey for Teacher Beer Pig...

Stunt 15: Glimpses of Beer Pig

2008-04-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

Typical day to see the Beer Pig, sleeping during the day so that he has enough energy to beer in the night..... Proof??? See below....

(Motto of the Beer Pig)

The result of too much beer? Nah, beer or no beer, the table will hav the same result.... Applause for the consistency beer pig... Keep it up...

Beer Pig cant tahan the after noon heat. No beer to cool him off so he opens the window to stand beside it... watch out fishy... he might drink yr water in desperation.....Notice the F*** disgustin tight boxers he's wearing... Its his favourite skin colored boxers from thailand....Pigs then to hav an affection for skin colored stuff... Eeeeeeeeyyeeeerrrrr

Beer Pig waiting for the father to return with the car so that he can go out to beer... Note the annoyed and impatient look? Maybe thats what thay call 酒瘾发作...

Stunt 14: <<我不知道>><<没有,不是我>><<哪里有,不是我>>

2008-04-24T02:03:00.000-07:00

The Couch Swine's super power No.6 (please refer to post 10) is such a remarkable ability that you can't do much but applaude and 佩服it for coming out with such excuses. Heres a few examples:

Case 1: 大便，冲不冲!?!!

就当你想大号时, you step into the washroom and wat awaits u.... is another pile of shit. You would be greeted by the ever pungent smell of swine shit. Yes swine shit. Take a peek and OMG, the toilet bowl is full of shit plus 用过的大便纸. At this very moment, anger and 屎味will rush to your head. Immediate reaction? Confront the ICUCIC culprit la!!!

xm:Why you shit neva flush!!?!!
Swine:哪里有,不是我
xm:The whole house only u and me, not you then who
Swine:我不知道
xm:you shit u also dono u shit. you eat your own shit la
Swine:没有,不是我
xm:没有，不是你！！？！then是楼下的梦加拉跑上来拉了就跑是吗！！！！！
Swine:.......

Case 2:The Phantom Laptop User

You switch on yr laptop monitor one day and u will find UFO (Unidentified Farking Object) on yr screen. A folder wif fark flies and fark stuff and fark pictures. A removable drive but the drive is no where to be seen. The safey eject window was up on the screen too. Take a scroll through the files, The Swine's name appears all over the place. Reaction ? Confront!!!!

xm:为什么你偷用我的电脑？
Swine:哪里有,不是我
xm:那个folder still open,有你的名字den 还有bleach pictures, 还不是你?
Swine:我不知道为什么
xm:obviously 是你偷用我的电脑,还用你的Fark thumb drive plug-in,没有eject safely lor...
Swine:........erm......
Swine:没有,不是我.我的thumb drive 不见很久了

Case 3:会走路的蛋糕

The swine was having his usual mid-term break during march and as usual, he would rather lay in his sofa den go out. Hence, the mother knowing his pattern left some food at home;which included 2 log cakes. At end of the day when the mother returned home, the log cakes were gone. (as expected by us but.......) The mother was much amazed by this fact and starts to question the whereabouts of the cake ( maybe she wans to eat tats y she asked). She starts questioning everyone, asking if thay had consumed any portion of the cake. Naturally, no one admitted to having eaten the cake including the swine. His reply?......我不知道,没有,不是我. He was the only one at home tat day and no one else was back until coming home togther with the mother.

Conclusion: Cakes can walk!!... Juz like the GingerBread Man did.....

Case 4:Yusof Ishak 是会合体的

Left a stack of 10-dollar yusofs on the desk under a weight, 7 pieces. When to the kitchen to grab a bite and to the washroom for a while....前前后后大约15-mins. When i returned, left 6 pieces. Who was around at that time? The wind, me and the T.V freak. 哪里有,不是我,我不知道.,was the answer that i got once again.....

难道会yusofs合体？Like克南科斯跟悟天在DragonBall里面一样!?!!....Dance from left to right and right to left 就join在一起了?....肯定是啦.....

Case 5:因为它在我cupboard里面

What really spoils yr day? The swine walking across yr face..... with yr clothes on it!!!

xm:OEI!!!为什么你穿我的裤子!!?!

Swine: Huh? 我不知道...因为它在我cupboard里面. 所以我就穿lor

xm: Tmd, 那我放Wonder Bra进去，你明天最好给我看到你穿。。。不然你的猪油会流到干掉

Swine:.....

Whats the big hoo-haa abt the swine wearing yr clothes? of course cannot la. Its not that I selfish but you all please see the size (Stunt 5). He go squeeze into my shorts, stretch the thing den will become loose liao de wor. After that, i dun need to wear liao lor. Swee lor. Purposely de liao. TMD.KNBBCCB

Stunt 13: 爸,我的饭leh?(Dude!! Where's my rice?)

2008-04-21T23:09:00.000-07:00

在一个炎热的晚午时，一个刚下班的父亲踏进了家的客厅。。。他看见他亲爱的Couch Swine 躺在sofa上拿着remote,看着电视.

工作了大半天，他一餐也还没吃过。于是他觉得肚子饿了，便叫Couch Swine去买饭。正所谓<<明知坑有屎，偏往粪坑踩>>Couch Swine 当然没答应lor, 还以bodyache,不舒服,头疼做借口. The father then also bo bian....

忽然之间,Couch Swine 的LAN JIAO 手提电话铃声响起. 它便以飞奔的速度冲进房间接电话....(bodyache???)

After being on the handfone for a while, he changes and asks for yusof from the father....

Father:你要yusof做什么？要去哪里？
Swine:买饭...
Father: Ok, yusof 拿去。买三包。。
(Couch Swine takes the money from the father)
Swine:Huh, 我朋友生病我去买饭给它吃leh!!!
Father:你不是要帮我买饭meh?
Father:我叫你买饭你就不去，你朋友叫你就去？
Swine:...........
(walks away towards the door, can't wait to leave the house)
Father:顺便买晚餐回来hor!!
Swine:.............

The father then calls back at ard 8pm in the evening to see if Couch Swine returned with any food as he was picking the mother up. The father then realizes that Couch Swine has not returned and buys dinner. When he returned home, the Swine was still nowhere to be seen. Then at approximately 10:15pm, the Couch Swine returns......

Swine:爸，我回来了
Father: 饭leh?
Swine:我没有买，你有叫我买meh？
Father:.........
(Couch Swine goes to the dinner table)
Swine: 爸,我的饭leh?
Father: 你帮你朋友买，没有买我们的份，你还敢问我你的饭在哪里？
Swine: 为什么你没有买我的！！！我很饿的leh

The Couch Swine then proceeds to slam his room door and starts throwing thanrums in his room;throwing stuff and shouting while the father KPKB to the mother....

So much for rearing a swine, 都叫你不要养猪了loh...

歌曲：<<爸,我的饭leh?>>

演唱:Couch Swine

我听说通常别人放学回家就有饭吃
为什么看到我的爸爸一直没有买饭
就因为喝醉酒他就能拿我出气
我真的看不下去以为我较肥肉

从小到大只有卖剩的饭吃
为什么我爸爸那么穷
如果真的我有一双翅膀二双翅膀
随时出发偷偷出发
我一定带我的饭盒走

从前的饭盒的菜总是特别的多
别人的爸爸买饭给孩子都不会手弱
你天天买烂菜一定会有原因但是呢
哥跟我都没有错亏我叫你一声爸
爸,我的饭leh?

不要再这样没买饭了
我说的话你甘会听
不要再这样没买饭了
难道你不知我饿吗

其实我回家就想要有口饭吃
让肚子回到过去包包
温馨的欢乐香味
虽然这是我编造出来的事实
有点讽刺有点酸性
但它确在这快乐社会发生产生共鸣
产生共鸣来阻止一切饥饿
眼泪随著音符吸入血液情绪

从小到大你叫我将就点随便吃喝
好多的烂菜
妈妈常说乖听你爸的话
你叫我怎么吃的下

不要再这样没买饭了
我说的话你甘会听
不要再这样没买饭了
难道你不知我饿吗

1234567812345678
我叫你爸你给我饭吧
干嘛这样何必这样
为什么没有买饭给我
饿是我们在饿饿

Stunt 12: 扫墓吧,Beer Pig

2008-04-17T23:45:00.000-07:00

.................... A couple of weeks back............................

The time of 'Ching Ming' has arrived and it is customary for the Chinese to visit their ancestors graves;paying respects and to tidy it up. This important and esteemed task naturally went to the male lead of this blog: Beer Pig

On the very day, Beer Pig was suppose to go with his uncle aka The Condom Man ( Is called this because he is the manager for Durex Condoms and has appeared in the news b4 for promoting safe sex wif Durex). It was arranged for them to set-off at ard 8am in the morning.

8:00am - Condom Man calls:

Condom Man: Are you ready?
Beer Pig: Huh.....去哪里？
Condom Man:去扫墓la.....
Beer Pig: Oh ya hor... Aiya, I headache, 头痛。。。
Condom Man: Then u rest a while, later den go..

8:30am - Condom Man calls:

Condom Man: Feeling better? Can go already?
Beer Pig: Huh, I think i 肚子痛。。。
Condom Man: Really ah? wan go see doctor?
Beer Pig: No need, Let me rest a while more can already...

9:00am - Condom Man calls:

Condom Man: So how? U wan to go anot?
Beer Pig: 我真的很想去, but我whole body ache, plus i think I fever also...
Condom Man: Then u rest... I go myself....

A angry Condom Man then slams the phone and does the tomb cleaning himself. (Take the Condom Man away from his condoms and make him clean the tomb, no wonder he is angry lor)

2:00pm the father returns....

Beer Pig darts out, takes the car keys and disappears out of sight before u could even say *Velociraptor......

Well, guess its juz their natural abilities to 装傻装疯*Hokkien.

Stunt 11: Beer Pig 买饭历险记

2008-04-11T05:39:00.000-07:00

Dinner Time!!!

The father asks his usual dumb question knowing that no one will reply him:

Father:谁要去买饭?
Beer Pig: 我去!!我去!!
Father hands him 20 yusofs and asks him to buy 4 packets back.
Beer Pig changes and then b4 he leaves the house....
Beer Pig: Lend me the car....
(Grabs the keys as he asks the father)
Father: 你要去哪里买？
Beer Pig: 对面Mobil后面的kopitiam
(Answers the question as he shuts the door)

After 1-hour, Beer Pig returns with 4 packets of Chap Chye Peng aka CCP (economic rice).

The father and Couch Swine then proceeds to take their dinner packets while Beer Pig consumes his too....

Father: 你跑去哪里？为什么CCP那么冷？
Beer Pig: 不知道....

Beer Pig then quickly gobble down his dinner and hides in the room.

Feeling hungry, I went to take my CCP too. When i opended it, I exclaimed in WTF...

三菜CCP

Ma Po Tofu + Kantan + KaiLan

Estimated Cost per packet = $2.00

Total Amt paid for dinner = $8.00

Amt given by The Father = $20.00

Change........................=$0.00 (Kapo by Beer Pig)

Well Done Beer Pig..........

Stunt 10: How the Swine became a Couch Swine....

2008-04-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

Every legend has a begining......

The scene is set in the room of a 3rm-HDB flat. A 8mth old infant was playing in his craddle with is elder brother playing underneath the craddle. As the infant caught sight of the elder brother playing with a batman figurine, he wanted to join in the fun too. The end result, the infant climbed out of the craddle and hit/crashed/hamtamed his head onto the floor. The poor infant hence lost part of his natural thinking ability. His conditon was further agrivated by another collision at the age of 3. Jumping on his parents bed, he suddenly lost footing and hit the bed corner. A bad and deep cut resulted. To further add to his agony, the father *gei kiang* think its juz a small cut and applied 青草油(A kind of chinese medicated yellow lotion with max burning feel but super effective cause wun feel any pain after the burn feel) to the wound. This hence muz have burned another wire in the infant's brain leading to a badly damaged brain which can't analyze and think properly. 14 years down the road.....

THE COUCH SWINE is BORN

Heres a few other reasons why the swine became the COUCH SWINE...

(Couch Swine's Bed)

The swine's bed is always full of his rubbish, may it be stuff that he wants or dun wan,he leaves them all over the place. Plus it stinks.... and Beer Pig is also in the room snoaring away during the day...

(The Swine's table)

Another heap of mess which dosen't allow him to land his soul. He dosen't hav much of a choice left but to reside in his favourite location infront of the T.V. The couch was bought recently and it sure attracts him. As mentioned earlier, the two knocks on his head sure reduced his capability to think like a normal person and degraded it into that of a swine. It also completely removed his ability to remember things aka STM(short term memory)

But................................

All accidents bring legends super natural abilities; the swine is no exception. Here lies the powers of THE COUCH SWINE:

1) Able to consume others food in the blink of an eye without others knowing

2) Down 2 cans of diet coke in 60 secs

3) Watch T.V, Play PSP, Listen to mp3, talk on the phone all at the same time

4) Call others one after another to initiate chats

5) Consume all food, sedap or not, big or small

6) Deny all acts of responsibility without blinking

7) Know how to appear when food is avail and disappear when chores are ard

8) Able to hear the slightest click of the door( to noe when the parents leave and come back)

9) Feel hungry all the time

10) Be immune to all sorts of punishments, scoldings, advice, threats and naggings

Stunt 9: GirlFriend

2008-04-06T20:36:00.000-07:00

................Again at some point down memory lane..................

Awaken by the afternoon heat, i crawled out of bed to get a drink from the kitchen. As i dragged myself across the living room, I was slammed across the face again; Beer Pig brought his girlfriend home. Nothing strange. Girlfriend rating 4/10 (wad u expect, beer pig leh). The impact comes after i get my drink.

He stops me halfway through the hall and asks if he could borrow the car. I paused and thought for a while. All the afternoon he has been camping me, waiting for me to wake up, waiting for the car. As i din wan to 丢脸him infront of his girlfriend and i also dun wan to 丢脸 myself, i lent him the car.

And so the beer pig happily leaves with the car and his girlfriend.

Abit of a side-track for this post as the highlight would be on the mother instead....

The mother returns for the day and realizes that the car is not at the carpark...

Mother: 你的车leh?
XM: Beer Pig 借了.
Mother:为什么你借给它。它弄坏怎么办？
XM:不会的啦。。。
Mother: 它刚刚PASS而已，很危险的你知道吗！！！
XM:不会的啦。。。
Mother: 它还载什么女朋友，等一下我要去哪里找个女儿陪给人家。。。
XM:不会的啦。。。
Mother: 它整天这样，很浪费油的leh
XM:不会的啦。。。
Mother: 你有没有看到它女朋友是不是上次那个？
XM:我哪里知道，又不是美女。。。
Mother: Aiyo, 你找美女做什么！！！
Mother: 要找也要找像我这样的。重要是像我这样会做事又勤劳又用功。。。

Ohh, ya rite, find someone like you to nag at me all day and bring more beer pigs and couch swine into the already sad planet.

Imagine marrying your mother; yeah, tat'b great........

Stunt 8: 死亡笔记簿, DeathNote

2008-04-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

"名字被写在这笔记上的人将死去"

This is dono the Nth time i hav heard this being read out/flashed across the T.V screen......

For those whom are familiar, yes, this is about the movie DeathNote. Why would i say that this is the Nth time i hav seen/read the main idea of the movie? Read on.......................................

The DeathNote Book in the movie

The pigs will constantly provide you with surprises and this time, i was hit with yet another.

I returned home today to find the swine at his usual hideout and watching his usual black screen. DeathNote was on Channel U as it was suppose to be so i tot nothing unusual. Time check 10:30. After messing about my stuff, i headed for the washroom. Hence i had to walk across the living room. Time check 11:15. DeathNote is still on. I then suddenly tot to myself, isn't it suppose to be news on Channel U now? I couldn't contain myself and went to take another peek.

I took another closer look at the thin black box; 1) there was no Channel U logo at the top right corner of the screen 2) the DVD player was on 3) its not DeathNote, its DeathNote 2.

The truth then dawned upon me, The Swine had taken his DeathNote 2 DVD to watch AGAIN. So a reenactment of the incidents would be that The Swine had finished watching DeathNote on T.V and after that, he could not tahan his desire and took out his DVD to watch the 2nd part AGAIN.

I clearly recalling him watchin both the movies in the cinema as i hav seen the ticket butts near his wallet. (He leaves his things all over the place. I'll save that for another post). He then proceeds to buy the dvd and rewatches it at least 3 times.(Those that i noe of)(Wait till you hear about 苏友朋's倚天屠龙记).Now he rewatches it again just because Channel U is showing it. WTF

And so, its time to take out the turtle shell and the gold coins to do some future telling...

Shake Shake Shake.........

OMG, I can see the future.....

Heres wad i see:

1) The Swine notes the time of broadcast next Sunday for DeathNote 2 and watches DeathNote on DVD b4 Channel U shows the 2nd part

2) The Swine miraculously gets a copy of DeathNote and starts writing names onto it.......

A peek at what The Swine wrote

Stunt 7: Gone in 60 seconds

2008-04-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered how fast food can dissapper from the dinning table in the house? Heres a few examples:

Case 1: 2 bottles of diet coke

14:08:00 - I returned home from school with 2 bottles of diet coke
14:08:15 - I walked into the kitchen and left the diet coke on the dinning table
14:08:20 - I walked across the living room and saw the swine at his usual place
14:08:35 - Left my stuff in the room and went to the washroom in the mother's room
14:08:50 - Finished washing my feet and face and went back to my room
14:08:55 - took off my shirt and approached the kitchen, thinking that i can drink coke
14:09:00 - Saw 2 cans of empty diet coke by the rubbish bin

Case 2: Fishball noddles

The father returns home wif food on a sunday late morning/early afternoon; the usual routine. He buys 3 packets of fishball noddles and leaves it on the dinnin table. As usual,the swine darts to the dinning table in search of his meal, always ready to be fed. I too went over to see wad was for breakfast. I saw that there were 2 packets left so i tot(ok, I'll hav it later in a while). Time check 13:35. At approximately 13:37, i felt hungry and went to the dinning table, assuming that i am gona hav fishball noodles for breakfast.

Yes. I m gona eat a pair of used wooden chopsticks and an empty pastic bag used to contain the fishball noodles for breakfast. All 3 packets of the noodles were gone.

When asked.....

The Swine: Sorry, 我很饿，所以我吃掉了

And the list goes on and on and on and on......

Stunt 6: My Frend Birthday

2008-04-05T07:03:00.000-07:00

...........At some point in time which i dun remember when........................

Beer Pig makes a surprise wake in the afternoon. He was'nt after beer or food; and so i thought it muz be 没好康.
True enough, after some strolling ard the house in his F disgusting Bart Simpsons boxers, he approached the father:

Beer Pig:爸, can i hav 50 yusofs?
Father: You wan so much for wad? Din't i juz gave u some 2 days ago?
Beer Pig: I need the yusof for urgent matter
Father: Wad thing so urgent?
Beer Pig: My Frend Birthday
Father: Your frend birthday u come and ask me for money?......
Father: 你要拿我的钱去买礼物给你的朋友。。。？
Beer Pig: Ya la. Really very urgent 的, please.
Father: 你朋友生日你拿我的钱去买礼物给它，我生日你也是拿我的钱去买礼物给我。你很厉害
hor!!
Beer Pig: Ha ha (smlies at the father)

In the end, the father gives the 50 yusof and Beer Pig leaves after calling a cab..

Moral of the day: the father is a 大炮仙; say one thing do the other. Always complain say Beer
Pig anyhow spend yusofs but where all his yusofs come from. Fxxx

Stunt 5: "我是Master Sergeant!!"

2008-04-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

As the saying goes:" A swine can neva fail to make a fool of himself"

Beer Pig returns home one evening when everyone was in and announces that he had juz completed his medical check-up for enlistment at CMPB today.

Beer Pig: I got Pes C. Sighs i am still combat fit. (He has a dislocated left shoulder)
XM: You not obese pes meh?
Beer Pig: No la!! Obese is Pes B la
XM: Oh dear mother, now you will hav more army clothes to wash and iron
Swine: No need la. He can use my uniform.(Swine is in the school NCC). Same name somemore. No need change name tag. (says with a proud boast,head held high and a ccb face)
XM: Oh ya, Someone is Staff Sergeant.
Swine: "Please,我是Master Sergeant hor!!"
XM: Wah Master Sergeant. Aye, Beer Pig, u get enlisted as Master Sergeant k? NCC de. Just wear that No.4 and report to tekong.

Imagine a Swine telling you he is a master sergeant: This is how it would look like.......

WTF....

Stunt 4: Living wif THE COUCHSWINE

2008-04-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

Living with the swine is no joke, heres a glimpse of wad life is like with THE SWINE.

When walkin across the living room, this is wad u hav to go through:

(The T.V control and PSP is juz next to it. 19:00)

When having your dinner, this is wad u see:

(omg, max er. 21:30)

How is it? Wana try? I'll exchange with no strings attached.

Stunt 3: "我有问题，让我去看医生！！！"

2008-04-04T05:19:00.000-07:00

A bit of back-dating before the highlight of the day could come:

....................Somewhere near the end of February 2008............

The couching swine returns from school and sees the father at home; starts to beat around the bush and after a few minutes of prep talk to warm the father up,(i.e. 爸，你吃饭了吗？工作累不累？今晚吃什么？etc) he enters his topic:

Swine: I went to see the school councillor today

Father: See the councillor for wad?

Swine: He said i have learning disorder, I have a problem dad
Father: then wad he ask u to do

Swine: He ask me to go see a doctor, see if it's real, if its real then ask the dotor to write me a report so that i can get additional 1/2 hr for all my papers
Father: Dun wan la, the problem with u is that u are pure lazy, cannot cure de

Swine: But the councillor really say i hav a problem, i need help
Father: how to help someone who is so lazy

Swine: 为什么你不让我去看医生，我真的有病！！！
Father: dun wan la, go where see? how much?

Swine: The councillor say must see specialist at SGH. He say consultation is 20 dollars only. If the problem is real, den muz pay 70 dollars for the report
Father: Who so free to bring u there? if not real how

Swine: 不可能的，我真的有病！！！
Father: 有！！你有好吃懒做病lor

Swine: Please la, Please 让我去
Father: 去去去去去去,去你的

In the end, the mother makes an appointment and brings the swine to the specialist.

The result? The specialist asks the swine to go back and fly kite. He said the swine is so active and full of himself how can he have learning disorder.

So a wasted trip plus 20 dollars and 1 无端端 off day from school for the swine.

.....................2 April 2008...................

The aftermath of the incident arrived,

Total amount payable: 79.44

Where the F is the 20 dollars only. I think either the swine or councillor 'forgot' to mention the additional charges ba. Who ends up having to bear the misdeeds of the swine again, the father.

The moral of the story: (1) School councillors are ccb

(2) The swine is 天真 + a puntatt. He readily believes a ccb and he

thinks that 1/2 hr for each paper is gona work miricals for him/it.

Stunt 2: Beer Pig 在睡觉，是你在睡觉吧。。。

2008-04-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

18:00 Father sees Beer Pig sleepin in bed
19:00 Father leaves house, Beer Pig still sleeping
19:15 Beer Pig phone rings
19: 20 Beer Pig wakes
19: 25 Beer Pig changes clothes
19:30 Beer Pig searches for yusof ishak
19:35 Beer Pig leaves house
20:00 Father returns with mother

Mother: " Beer Pig leh?"
Father: " 它在睡觉..."
Mother: "哪里有？"
Father: "我出去的时候它还在睡觉的leh..."
Mother: "它在睡觉，是你在睡觉吧......"

Stunt 1: the day that the couching swine was on M.C

2008-04-03T09:21:00.000-07:00

Nightmares are suppose to happen in dreams, but for today, it happened when the day dawned.

Woke up and guess wad, the couching swine was at home. Why? M.C

He said he felt sick. But as soon as he heard the house gates shut, he darted out of the bedroom to where else; the couch. Laid there and switch on the T.V. Sometimes i really wonder is the Swine watching the T.V or the T.V watching the swine, kids central was on (barney the purple dino) (WTF, 17 year-old watch barney). Swine den continues to on his PSP and starts to play wif it. No symptoms of a sick person at all. The next thing u noe, he picks up the fone and calls 6777 3777. Heres the menu:

I don believe how a sick person can consume mac and the fact, 1 EVM big breakfast, 1 hotcakes set, one extra hashbrown and one extra ice tea. You call that being sick.

To sum up the whole couching swine day, he gets a 2 day mc for 41 bucks. WTF, another day of the couching swine tomorrow.Sian

World of 2 PIGS

2008-04-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

多了两只猪，地球照样旋转，没什么改变。

但我的生活有着极端的扭曲。

欢迎来到两只猪的世界。。。。。

P.S. 我家不是人住的！！！

As the url addresses, the main characters are Beer Pig and Couch Swine; heres a brief intro.

Beer Pig

A.k.a the elder pig. Boastes a proud beer belly at the age of 20. Currently unemployed as he juz completed poly and is awaiting enlistment. Ex-student of SJI.Lives wif the mentality that a part-time job is not required as he is going to be enlisted 'soon' and all he has to do is stretch out his left hand and point his right hand into his mouth at his father and countless yusof ishak will flow. Scorns at JSS when recommended as a relief teacher there, saying its not good enough for him. Sleeps throughout the day and beers throughout the night.

Couch Swine

The younger of the 2 pigs. Known for lying on the couch the whole day and "watch'' T.V, hence the name. Currently in Sec 5 and thinks he is the smartest ass alive juz because he got A for his D&T and he is not last in class (he is 2nd last). When questione abt his studies, he will juz say he did it throughout the day already: " 我整天都在读了，你们都不在家。现在我休息一下不可以是吗！！！". Consumes every last bit of food on the dinner table and dirties the whole house wif his dead skin and oil.